Personal nonsense and updates on life!!
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| Lighthearted Personal nonsense and updates on life!! |
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Sunday, January 16, 2011 I don't even know that I have anything to be lighthearted about anymore, but perhaps I need to find somthing. I know I've been away for many years now, but I am back and believe it or not, married... More to come! posted by The Lady | 9:08 PM (0) comments Saturday, January 14, 2006 I've been blogging on Myspace.com... here's an update. Wednesday, January 11, 2006 Social Studies So, I think I need to take a class for the socially challenged. I look at other people's myspace and facebook pages, and they have several hundred friends on their friend lists. Granted, I'm sure they don't maintain regular contact with all of those people, but I seem to have some degree of trouble making friends. I've always thought that I was a friendly person. I know I can be cynical at times, but I'm not generally that way. I talk to people I have classes with, even outside of class. I'm in several organizations. Yet, in the four years I've been in college, I've managed to make 1 friend that I actually hang out with. No - I'm not exaggerating, although I wish I were. What I am doing wrong? This has been the case since I was in elementary school... I am socially challenged. American values... So, I'm watching The Biggest Loser on TV. There are two couples trying to loose weight for their wedding and of course a ton of other prizes. After one of the workouts, they come out and there are a pair of wedding bands worth $10,000. The catch is they have to eat pieces of cake to find it. So, one girl turns to her fiance and says (and I'm paraphrasing) "If I don't eat this cake, can you promise me a $10,000 wedding band." My first reaction was, "Bitch, you already agreed to marry him and you know he probably can't afford that ring." What is people's problem? Are you here to loose weight or not? Of course, the guy said yes, but later on when they won a $5,000 challenge he confessed that he's dirt poor. When one of them has a heart attack in 10 years because they're overwieght and have diabetes, they'll be crying over their medical bills and pawning that ring. Get your priorities straight, America. Isn't health more important than a $50K dream wedding, $10K wedding bands, and a honeymoon? Friday, January 06, 2006 Roadblocks... It never fails that when you make up in your mind to do one thing, something comes along to test your resolve. Or perhaps we don't notice the roadblocks until we start down the path -- a much more likely explanation. Nonetheless, you must face your challenges one by one. Tuesday, January 03, 2006 Love Ridden... So, my ex had dinner with my old roomie last night which confirms that he is back in the country and alive. I can stop wondering. He apparently got my b-day message, but steered away from talking about me. Ironic seeing that he wouldn't even know her if not for me. I got really emotional talking about it. All this time I'd been worrying about him, thinking about him. I don't even know how long he's been back. Then I talked to my friend Portia, who reminded me of the not so good things. The fact that most people saw him as a pretentious asshole - and unjustifyibly so. That despite all the times I reached out to him - even as recently as his birthdy one short month ago - he still keeps me at bay. Quite possibly, he is calloused and unforgiving. She [Portia] thinks he is angry at the world and feels as if the world owes him in some way. I can see all of those things, but I also remember that brief while when they were not true. It was fleeting. I need to move on. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Love Ridden - Fiona Apple Love ridden, I've looked at you With the focus I gave to my birthday candles I've wished on the lidded blue flames under your brow And baby, I wished for you Nobody sees when you are lying in your bed And I wanna crawl in with you, but I cry instead I want your warm, but it will only make me colder when it's over... So I can't tonight, baby No, not "baby" anymore- If I need you I'll just use your simple name Only kisses on the cheek from now on And in a little while, we'll only have to wave My hand won't hold you down no more The path is clear to follow through I stood too long in the way of the door And now I'm giving up on you No, not "baby" anymore- If I need youI'll just use your simple name Only kisses on the cheek from now on And in a little while, we'll only have to Monday, January 02, 2006 God be with us... As I sit here thinking of my ex, it makes me wonder... when will I find someone who is "strong enough" or "man enough" or simply "the right one" to handle me? But then again, who says it's them? Maybe it's me. Will I become "easier to handle" as I get older? or mellow out and tackle enough of my own issues that I won't need to be handled? Then I question if your significant other is even the right person to lean on with all of your issues. Is that even healthy in a relationship to somewhat burden the other with your baggage? I think as people we have an amazing capacity to be leaned upon. My best friend, though I love her dearly, seems so often the bearer of bad news. Her life is in constant turmoil, and I hear about most if not all of it. Nonetheless, that does not take away from my ability to enjoy her company. When we are out having fun, all problems melt away. Granted I'm not going to be in that exact situation with a boyfriend, but the principle is still the same. There are overriding factors -- a connection that allows none of the bad to outweigh the good. So, are we all looking for a best friend? In my past serious relationships, friendship has always been the foundation. For a long time with my ex, friendship held us together even when the relationship had crumbled. He was my very best friend. I guess that's why I am having such a hard time letting go. There is still an element of disbelief that he has really blocked me out of his life. After all that we'd been through, it's a slap in the face. Sunday, January 01, 2006 Resolutions So, I know a lot of people don't make New Year's resolutions. I respect that, but I feel that the new year is a good time for reflection and goal-setting. Well, any day is good for reflection and goal-setting. God willing I will get a graduate, get a job before that time, and move into a place of my own shortly thereafter. See -- short, realistic, and measurable. That's the key. Friday, December 30, 2005 Growing Pains... and I don't mean the TV show Okay, so I'm graduating from college in May. Agh! Everyone is starting to ask me what I'm gonna do. I don't have the slightest clue. I know what I think I want to do for now, but by no means do I have definite "when I grow up I wanna be..." plan. I like to do lots of things. I'll probably start some sort of graduate program next January. Of course, I can't decide what I want to go back for. I thought about Marketing and Public Administration, even Fashion. Part of me wants to move away. There's really nothing keeping me in Texas. It's all pretty gut wrenching. I'm a big indecisive wuss. Wednesday, December 21, 2005 research So, I worked on my research project for about 10 hours today. I wish I were exaggerating. It wasn't bad. I actually had nothing better to do. Sadly, I think this is the most productive I've been all year. I spent some of that time at the UTA library. It was kind of wasted. I'm not familiar with their library and I couldn't find a lot of what I needed. Also, they don't have as many fashion periodicals and reference books at TCU; I'm assuming it's becuase we have fashion as a major and they don't. Not many people just go around randomly doing fashion research. I kept thinking that I might by some random chance run into my ex. I promise to stop talking about him soon, really. I miss him. I don't miss the fighting and difficulties, but I miss him... Sunday, December 18, 2005 Don't make promises... School is out. Finals are over. Work is over -- for the time being. I'm looking forward to the break, but I have lots to do. I need to finish a bunch of research and work on my paper. Trust me, if you knew how behind I was, you'd understand its magnitude. I suppose I'm looking forward to Christmas. It is mostly a joyful time. I haven't been very close to my extended family growing up, so it is missing an element in that sense. My mom, cousin, and I usually exchange gifts. If I can afford to, I get gifts for my close friends, and sometimes I even spring for my dad a gift. This year I sent out about a 40-50 cards, and I still don't think I got them to everyone I wanted to. I like hand written notes and cards. It's a lost art these days. Totally different subject - one of my ex's friends added me as her friend on here ("hi" if you are reading this, you know who you are). I was under the distinct impression from him that she hated me in light of my history with him. Yes, this is the guy that's in or was in Spain. I think he should be back by now or any day now. I doubt I will hear from him. I did send him a happy birthday, though. Not that it matters. I tried. I don't know why I try, but I do. posted by The Lady | 10:43 AM (0) comments Tuesday, October 04, 2005 Independent Thinking should be the name of a bookstore... David Schultz is still a gorgeous, gorgeous man... And why is the American search for religion, holiness, and sanctification so fleeting?... 1. Doesn't "Independent Thinker" sound like the name of a cozy little anti-Barnes & Noble, anti-Starbucks bookstore/coffee shop? I think so. I wonder how successful smaller bookstores and coffeeshops are in light of the B&N/Starbucks phenomenon. And what has made those particular establishments so successful? They're the Wal-Mart of books and coffee. B&N owns Borders Books & Music. The only other chain of bookstore I can think of is Half-Priced Books, which is a niche market. 2. So, I know that nothing really happened between us, but he's gorgeous. If I could have him I would. The problem is he made clear what he wanted, and it's something that he nor anyone else can have from me. I want something real. To be courted and waited upon. Apparently that is way to much to ask in this day and age. But I'll be waiting... 3. Religion is like a craze, a fad, a beloved fashion trend. It phases into and out of our lives. There is hardly a constant pursuit to be heard of. The same is true in my own life. It's inexcusable really, how we try to have everything on our own terms. posted by The Lady | 10:40 PM (0) comments Monday, October 03, 2005 So, sometimes he does things, and I wonder, "Why me?" Was it something I did or said. I know that we were friends for a while. I suppose we still are. He's just so horrible at the whole thing that it confuses me. Still, I respond to him so immediately. Will there always be a tiny glimmer of hope?? I thought it had gone away, but it still crosses my mind from time to time. Especially when he seeks me out. Part of me is hopeless. posted by The Lady | 9:11 PM (0) comments Thursday, September 29, 2005 So, I've decided that it would be kinda nice sometimes to be in a relationship. The thing about relationships is that you can't -- I don't think you should, rather -- use people at your convenience. Like tonight, I would love to go sit and talk with someone somewhere quiet. Have someone to get to know... to share things with. Then other times, I want nothing to do with the opposite sex. *sigh* This being my senior year in college, I wonder if I will ever meet someone special. For many people, college is the time when they find someone -- or someone finds them. No one has found me yet, and I doubt that I will be found by the year's end. posted by The Lady | 10:57 PM (0) comments Friday, September 23, 2005 Beautiful - India Arie The time is right I'm gonna pack my bags And take that journey down the road Cause over the mountain I see the bright sun shinning And I want to live inside the glow Yeah I wanna go to place where I am nothing and everything That exists between here and nowhere I wanna got to a place time as no consequence oh yeah The sky opens to my prayers I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, Please understand that it not that I don't care But right know these wall are closing in on me I love you more than I love life itself But I need to find a place were I can breathe I can breathe I wanna go to place were I can hold the intangible And let of the pain with all my might I wanna go to a place where I am suspended in ecstasy Some where between dark and light Where wrong becomes right I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, I wanna go to beautiful, beautiful, beautiful posted by The Lady | 2:38 PM (0) comments Thursday, September 22, 2005 I think that we mistake our aesthetic attraction to a person for sexual preference. Aesthetic attratction is comparable to admiring a piece of artwork. Most artwork is void of sex or gender. Since people are born a certain sex and so quickly learn gender roles, when there is an aesthetic attraction to someone of the same sex, we label it homosexuality. I recently had an eyeopening experience. I was utterly breathtaken by a woman. Tall (6'1'' or 6'2''), statuesque, with short dark hair and fair skin. She wore rectangular glasses, a long flowing skirt and fitted top. She was extremely slender. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her nor could she keep hers off me. For some reason, all I could think of was the Keats peom "Ode to a Grecian Urn." A poem to which I don't even know the words. Eventually she turned to me and told me that she thought I was beautiful. I returned the compliement, adding that I didn't want her to think I was a total "lesbo" for staring at her. I offended myself with that statement. The moment became awkward. We managed to get past it. What had just happened? Was I a lesbian? Did I have "lesbian tendencies?" No... but I am a fashion major, pageant participant, and former model. I know beauty when I see it, and I can't help but to admire it. Afterwards I thought to myself, "Is this what it feels like to be homosexual?" ODE ON A GRECIAN URN By John Keats Thou still unravished bride of quietness, Thou foster child of silence and slow time, Sylvan historian, who canst thus express A flowery tale more sweetly than our rhyme: What leaf-fringed legend haunts about thy shape Of deities or mortals, or of both, In Tempe or the dales of Arcady? What men or gods are these? What maidens loath? What mad pursuit? What struggle to escape? What pipes and timbrels? What wild ecstasy? Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard Are sweeter; therefore, ye soft pipes, play on; Not to the sensual ear, but, more endeared, Pipe to the spirit dities of no tone. Fair youth, beneath the trees, thou canst not leave Thy song, nor ever can those trees be bare; Bold Lover, never, never canst thou kiss, Though winning near the goal---yet, do not grieve; She cannot fade, though thou hast not thy bliss Forever wilt thou love, and she be fair! Ah, happy, happy boughs! that cannot shed Your leaves, nor ever bid the Spring adieu; And, happy melodist, unweari-ed, Forever piping songs forever new; More happy love! more happy, happy love! Forever warm and still to be enjoyed, Forever panting, and forever young; All breathing human passion far above, That leaves a heart high-sorrowful and cloyed, A burning forehead, and a parching tongue. Who are these coming to the sacrifice? To what green altar, O mysterious priest, Lead'st thou that heifer lowing at the skies, And all her silken flanks with garlands dressed? What little town by river or sea shore, Or mountain-built with peaceful citadel, Is emptied of this folk, this pious morn? And, little town, thy streets for evermore Will silent be; and not a soul to tell Why thou art desolate, can e'er return. O Attic shape! Fair attitude! with brede Of marble men and maidens overwrought, With forest branches and the trodden weed; Thou, silent form, dost tease us out of thought As doth eternity. Cold Pastoral! When old age shall this generation waste, Thou shalt remain, in midst of other woe Than ours, a friend to man, to whom thou say'st, "Beauty is truth, truth beauty"---that is all Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know. posted by The Lady | 3:00 PM (0) comments |
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